31st January 2012

I’m Coming Home… Forreals this time

Wednesday February 1, 2012
01:59am

I was a bit occupied in my self centeredness to come to tumblr and write about anything.
Honestly, nothing much as been going on.
Today is currently my 449th Day here. YAY for me
And the Countdown is 10 Days

So months and months I’ve been complaining about how much I hate this place.

Little did I know that I would learn so much and discover new dreams.
Honestly, I don’t regret coming here and I’m not scared to come back.
But seriously, I’m not taking back what I said before.
Try not to work with family. Of course you supporting them should be voluntary rather than obligation. There are definite ups and downs to this, but you come to realize that making the people around you happy, also brings you happiness.

I’m so glad I stuck around for the past few months because my nephew has grown so much and he can talk so fluently. Actually, I think my korean is at the same level as his…
It’s quite embarrassing.
Not only that, I’ve gotten so close to my students at the Hagwon and it certainly has its rewards.
I’ve also taken vocal lessons, but I ended up just talking with the teacher rather than practice. I think I actually got worse, My vocal cords are pretty damaged.
I have not severed ties with my family and I’m glad God told me to stay.

God is Good, All the Time.
HE never gives you anything you can’t handle.
Seriously, He has shown me and allowed me to experience so many things I couldn’t have if I hadn’t left New York.

I’ll post again when i feel there’s actually something significant to write.
Peace.

1st August 2011

Cutting Ties

No one ever said the right decision was ever the easiest one.
Walking with God might be the hardest path to tread, but it certainly is
the most rewarding one.

Honestly, I have to admit, I learned more than I’d expected during these past months in korea.
God works through all your brokenness.
Those months of hardship were worth it.
The lessons i learned are things that I probably can’t and won’t forget.

Seriously, day after day. God just shows you his mercy and grace in new ways.

Today was a bittersweet end to my 1 on 1s
Its a shame that I might never see them.
but this marks the beginning of freedom.
Oh man. I can almost taste it

31st July 2011

Psychic

I was gonna rant about how much bullshit you talk.
but I realized that I spent too much energy being angry, I can’t waste it anymore.
I’m glad we talked things out, but you still don’t get the whole story.
I don’t think you ever will with the mentality that you have.
But, I hope you understand one day. And feel satisfied with what you have.
I learned a lot from you, but my time here is done.

LET ME GO.

I have nothing against you any longer. My prayer for you is that
you find peace in your heart.

Thanks to you i’ve learned a lot and i’ve grown a lot. I’ve even gotten stronger.
But, I still wouldn’t want you as my mentor.
In order for that to happen, you need something other than money to be in the center of your life. although you say that i’m blessed, you are only looking at the materialistic circumstances.

I agree, I am blessed. But, I’m blessed in many other ways as well. too bad you see them as something to pity me over. No, thanks. Don’t need it. Don’t need any more adivce about this topic.
It’s a done deal. I hope you realize that. What you say wont change my mind anymore. I used to get worried.

But, as my father said. “Worrying is for people who can’t trust in Him”

And clearly, listening to your instructions has shaken my faith and encouraged me to just believe in my own strength. when CLEARLY that’s not how things should go.
I’m glad I finally realized this, even though I have a lot of catching up to do.
Better late than never.
I hope you can come to this realization as well.

29th July 2011

The Relationship Between Money & Happiness

I make relatively good money in korea. I do not make an inch of what 재벌s make (really wealthy people like samsung. hyundai, bill gates, etc) I’m not sure how happy they are in life. But I’m not sure what they enjoy in life, just because they’ve tried just about everything.

Honestly, I don’t hate money. Of course there are times when I’d wished that my parents were people with more potential and had more to offer. But, they’re my parents I love them (and I want to punch them in the face sometimes.) I know not to take them for granted.

Let me recap what has been going on the past few days

Recently this constant thought has been going across my head
I need to go back home. If I don’t, then I’ll die. Talked with a very close oppa and
very close jdsn. And they urged me to go back.

So, i realized that this was a war between God vs Money.
And God taught me a lesson. Money cannot win over God.
You know, everything that everyone has been telling me has been true
TRUST IN THE LORD YOUR GOD and ya know good shit like that

But I realized I couldn’t be happy without HIM.
How could I have been so stupid. I only relied on myself.
This has made my decision all the more clearer.
God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle.
And at my breaking point. God is calling me Home.

But why do i feel this constant pang, of guilt, of responsibility, of fear.

I read the bible the first time in over a year
But, all the assurance I needed was in the passages that i read.
It was truly amazing.

Honestly, i didn’t think about God at all.
Just relied on HUMAN power.
But, that’s why i was so depressed. I didn’t have HIM in my life.
It all makes sense.

I’m coming back home.
Thank you for this experience.
So that I know, NEVER to take you granted

25th July 2011

Home

Honestly, I think it’s time to go back home.

TOO MUCH SHIT MA NIGGA.
need ma hood.

24th July 2011

Q&A

We all got problems. Some people have it worse than others. Some have almost none.
Regardless, we all have problems in our lives. Maybe a new one everyday one after another, once in a while, almost never. But some point in our lives, there’s that one peak where you encounter something like you haven’t ever before.

What makes us different in this aspect is how we choose to handle it.

will you run away?
fight it?
accept it and take it as it is?

24th July 2011

Clean Cut

Let’s say you have a clean white sheet of paper.
Your task is to cut your new crispy paper
It doesn’t matter how much
You only have one paper.

Now, let’s say each time you get into a relationship with someone you have to make a cut in your paper.
and the break up and the post break up all effects the way you cut your paper.
If your paper is cut in an almost straight line, your mission is complete. and you can
either throw it away or put it in your scrapbook. A beautiful memory that you can cherish with or without that person.

But:
If your paper is jagged or full of detours, then this paper will end up ugly. But, it’s taken up so much of the paper it seems like a waste to throw out, so you want to put it back together and try again. Or maybe you hate it so much you don’t know what to do with it. Perhaps an outsider tried to rip this paper and there’s a tear that can never be fixed. And every time you look at it, you feel contempt and anger and a whole mix of emotions and you can’t or don’t know what to do about it. If you complain about it any more than you should. You have already lost and failed this mission. It is a precious memory that has become garbage.

Of course there are circumstances that come into play.
Maybe some unforgivable/unforgettable. But the only person that makes it like that
is you,yourself.

Let me say that this can go for any problem you have in your life, not just your love relationships. But your relationship and perspective on everything around you.
Life is too short.

Everyone should stop trying to draw a straight line with a ruler. It doesn’t work like that.
As humans, it’s impossible to live of life like that. We fall too short from perfection.
Don’t get angry if your scissor misses a mark on the line that you drew with another man-made object which is also inevitably imperfect.

My point being it’s stupid to think that everything is good in the world.
but it’s possible to make light of dark situations, problems, issues, etc.
There’s no use in complaining about it. That’s what causes more jagged lines
Falso hope also forms sharp turns and detours which causes an even more off track
cut from before.

Our goal is not perfection, but a clean cut.

24th July 2011

Different Methods Same Result

Some people say, “I don’t care how you do it, just get it [done]”
And others won’t accept it if they find out how you got it [done]

So, what do you think is right?